Take the Red Bull Festivus Quiz!

On Aug. 25, 1917, the U.S. National Guard's 34th Infantry Division was organized at Camp Cody, N.M. As the organizational birthday, it is the division's official "unit day."

Call it "Red Bull Festivus." Fun for the whole platoon!

And, during downtimes between the Feats of Strength and the Airing of Deployment Grievances, you can also impress your friends with this Trivial Test of Red Bull Trivia:

1) Which American regionalist painter designed the Red Bull patch?

a. Grant Wood
b. Marvin Cone
c. Thomas Hart Benton
d. John Steuart Curry

Answer: B.

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2) What does the shape of the black background on the 34th Inf. Div. patch signify?

a. A tribal shaman's medicine bag
b. A canteen
c. A Mexican jug called an "olla"
d. A keg of beer

Answer: C.

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3) What is the official motto of the 34th Inf. Div.?

a. "Redezvous with Destiny"
b. "On the Horns of Victory"
c. "Insquequo bos devenio domus"
d. "Attack! Attack! Attack!"

Answer: D! D! D!

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4) In the division's current formation, which of the following units does NOT wear the Red Bull patch?

a. 1st Brigade Combat Team, 34th Infantry Division (1-34th BCT), Minnesota National Guard
b. 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 34th Infantry Division (2-34th BCT), Iowa National Guard
c. 32nd Brigade Combat Team, Wisconsin National Guard
d. 34th Combat Aviation Brigade ("CAB"), Minnesota National Guard

Answer: C. The 32nd BCT is named after the 32nd Infantry "Red Arrow" Division.

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5) What was the nickname of the 34th Inf. Div. prior to "Red Bull" designation of World War II?

a. Prairie Division
b. Sandstorm Division
c. Hawkeye Division
d. Plowshare Division

Answer: B. It was sandy and windy in 1917 New Mexico.

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6) Which celebrated military unit with non-Midwestern roots fought alongside Red Bull soldiers in World War II Italy?

a. 54th Massachusetts Volunteer Infantry
b. 100th Infantry Battalion
c. Polish Independent Carpathian Rifle Brigade
d. Abraham Lincoln Brigade

Answer: B.

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7) Prior to fighting in World War II Normandy, Holland, and Germany, which Red Bull unit had previously served in the Cow War?

a. 1st Battalion, 133rd Infantry Regiment (1-133rd Inf.)
b. 1st Battalion, 168th Infantry Regiment (1-168th Inf.)
c. 1st Squadron, 113th Cavalry Regiment (1-113rd Cav.)
d. 34th Veterinary Special Troops Battalion (34th V.S.T.B.)

Answer: C.

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8) In World War II, volunteers from the 34th Inf. Div. served as a majority of the 500 original members of which of the following modern U.S. Army formations?

a. Rangers
b. Pathfinders
c. Sappers
d. Green Berets

Answer: A.

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9) Which of the following is not an accomplishment of the 34th Inf. Div., whether in whole or in part?

a. First U.S. unit to arrive in European theater, World War II.
b. First U.S. unit to arrive in North African theater, World War II.
c. Most days of combat in World War II.
d. Longest-deployed Army unit to Iraq, Operation Enduring Freedom (OIF). (1-34th BCT)
e. First U.S. National Guard brigade to act as a "battlespace owner" in Afghan theater, Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF). (2-34th BCT)

Answer: E. It was second such unit. Vermont National Guard's 86th BCT was the first.

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10) Which American Civil War volunteer unit, which maintains lineage within the 34th Inf. Div., was the first to offer its services to President Abraham Lincoln?

a. The First Iowa Regiment
b. The Second Iowa Regiment
c. The Third Iowa Regiment
d. The First Minnesota Regiment

Answer: D. Now the 2nd Battalion, 135th Infantry (2-135th Inf.), Minnesota National Guard.

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11) What is the special designation (the "official nickname") of Iowa's 133rd Infantry Regiment?

a. Ironman
b. Ironmen
c. First Iowa
d. Hawkeye

Answer: C.

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12) What is the special designation of Iowa's 168th Infantry Regiment?

a. First Iowa
b. Second Iowa
c. Third Iowa
d. Lethal

Answer: C.

The Arts of War and Parenting

The 2011 Iowa State Fair ended yesterday. A couple of different days during the fair's 11-day run, Household-6, the kids, and I braved the heat, the crowds, the animals, the carnival rides, and the foods-on-a-stick. With Lena, now age 6, and Rain, age 4, we've moved beyond strollers and backpack kid-carriers. We travel more lightly now, if not exactly more efficiently.

In conducting our state fair maneuvers, I was repeatedly surprised how much Army techniques and tribal wisdom are applicable to parenting on the march:

• "No battle plan survives contact with your kids."

• Everyone in your squad should know the plan.

• Move in buddy teams. Always maintain visual contact.

• Conduct periodic tactical halts. Check buddies, equipment, supplies, and morale.

• Always brief a "lost soldier" plan.

• Always brief primary, alternate, and emergency means of communication.

• Identify rally points.

• Check fluid levels before, during, and after operation. Report all classes of leaks (I, II, and III) to a supervisor immediately.

• Know your pace count. Recognize your kids' pace count may be 4 or 5 times your own. Your fastest speed is that of the slowest member in your squad.

• "Strategy is for amateurs. Logistics is for parents."

• Basic combat load is one day's supply of water, wipes, cleanser, and clothes.

• Hasty decon is a squad-size operation which sustains the combat potential of a contaminated force by limiting spread of contamination.

• "This is my kid. There are many like him, but this one is mine."

• "I am responsible for everything my kid does and fails to do."

• "Never leave a kid behind."

And, finally, to paraphrase the ancient military philosopher Sun Tzu:

• "The supreme art of parenting is to subdue the enemy without fighting."

Tips on Post-Homecoming Etiquette

At risk of being labelled a summer curmudgeon--particularly as the "Red Bull" soldiers of 2nd Brigade Combat Team (B.C.T.), 34th Infantry Division (2-34th BCT) continue to bask in the humid afterglow of last month's return from Afghanistan--here are a few post-homecoming etiquette suggestions for your consideration. While I'm at it, maybe I should also pitch a "Master Sgt. Manners" advice column to Stars and Stripes?

Untie Those Yellow Ribbons

If you chose to tie plastic yellow ribbons on every old oak tree, lamp post, and fire hydrant along the avenue, grab some scissors and cut sling a few days after your soldiers have finally come marching home. Don't get me wrong: It is a lovely and heartwarming touch. At some point, however, it transgresses into vandalism. True patriots clean up after themselves--particularly after tying their ribbons around someone else's old oak trees.

If you don't want to clean up, next time, consider using biodegradeable ribbon. Or perhaps crepe paper?

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Don't Join the Flag Police

Too many people want to jump all over the American flag. More accurately, they're eager to build themselves up by tearing others down. They want to dictate to people when to display the flag, when to raise it, and when to fly it at half-staff, and for how long. Then they post their flag-raving stories via Facebook, their victims' virtual scalps presented as evidence of their patriotic purities.

Yes, there's a U.S. Flag Code. Yes, federal and state governments can determine when and for how long flags displayed on public property--that's public property, not private--should remain at half-staff. Don't kid yourself, however: You're not defending freedom by seeking to enforce your own flag standards. You're squashing it.

Want more people to display the flag? Lead by example.

Meanwhile, don't tread on me.

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Homecomings Last a Long Time, but Homecoming Signs Shouldn't

Homecoming is a journey, not a destination. It may take weeks, months, or years for a soldier or family to fully move forward. What's the expiration date on a "welcome home" sign, however? About as long as post-election campaign signs, "congratulations on your graduation" banners, and those 6-foot-tall "it's a boy/girl" plywood cutouts that are shaped like cartoon storks.

Every U.S. soldier in basic training learns this mantra while practicing individual movement under fire: "I'm up ... they see me ... I'm down."

That works for signs, too.

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Don't Know What to Say? Say "Welcome Home."

Johnny or Joanie may have been home from a deployment for months before you get an opportunity to see them in person. They've had things to do, you've had things to do. Don't worry about it. Ask any Vietnam-era veteran: It is never too late to greet a soldier with a hearty and heartfelt "Welcome Home!"