The Arsenal of Fun and Freedom

One of the great benefits of having younger children is the excuse to peruse the local toy shelves. AlphaDad's gotta maintain proficiency in the arms race happening out there in Superheroland and Barbiestan: Foam tomahawks. Gatling dart guns. Heroic helmets and warhammers. Playing war is a business, and business is good.

I love the smell of Nerf guns in the morning.

Like Sherpa at that age, 4-year-old Rain loves collecting miniature Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars. I'm man enough to admit that I have a few mint-on-card vehicles stashed away in Sherpa's Footlocker of Military Memories: A couple of soft-sided Humvees, in both desert tan and woodland green. Military bulldozers and armored personnel carriers. And a 1965 Shelby Cobra that Hot Wheels inexplicably and fantastically painted out in olive drab.

That must've made for a wicked-fast command car. Like "Patton" meets "The Fast and the Furious." (The resulting film of which would be called ... "TFATF: Messina Drift.")

Back when I was hanging out with combat engineers, I took a liking to a Transformers character called "Bonecrusher." I'd never really gotten into the cartoon from the 1980s, but the rebooted movie was cool enough. And the fact the toy converted from robot to a "Buffalo"Mine-Resistant Ambush-Protected ("M-RAP") engineering vehicle—complete with bomb-scooping "claw"—pretty much put the target-lock on my wallet.

Rain hasn't seen many of the original Transformer cartoons--and he's way too young for the more recent PG-13 blockbuster explosion-fests. Outside of my influence, however--I was still in uniform and out of town at the time--he dressed up like good-guy Transformer "Bumblebee" last Halloween. I guess the proverbial Energon Cube doesn't fall far from the tree.

So, given all this M-RAP love, imagine my glee when I recently discovered that Matchbox had issued a MaxxPro M-RAP truck lookalike painted as a law enforcement vehicle. I've got any number of Red Bull buddies who are also cops, and this toy seemed like it was right up our old Afghan I.E.D. alley. While I prefer the basic black version—it looks like Darth Vader's paddy wagon—a powder-blue variant reminds me of my youthful "U.N. peacekeeper" fantasies. How could something so cute possibly want to harm us?

Of course, an armored M-RAP truck would be about as useful in stateside law enforcement as shooting, moving, and communicating on the battlefield in that high-speed Shelby Cobra. (In another favorite example of questionable utility, Matchbox once produced a lime-green, racing-striped toy version of the B-2 stealth bomber!)

Consider the purple prose on the Matchbox "S.W.A.T. Truck" package:

Sirens are blaring as emergency forces surround the captured building. When the situation gets critical, it’s time to call in the SWAT Truck. Its high-tech interior and fully armored exterior will crush any obstacle that appears in its path! Time to restore the peace!

In reality, the MaxxPro is an ugly, top-heavy truck designed to survive driving over bombs. While I'm a big fan of mine-protected stuff, I'm not so sure I want my pre-schooler to yet contemplate a world in which roads explode and death is arbitrary.

I'll keep the mil-toys locked away for a couple of years, until Rain and I can talk about what they mean to me. And the Red Bull. It might prove to be a good, accessible way into the topic of Afghanistan. "You know, son, Dad used to ride around in one of these ..."

Generals may fight the last war, but toy companies play with it. Keeping an eye on how war is re-packaged and sold back to our kids is a perennial part of parental sentry duty.

In other words, war toys are two-edged swords. Even if they're made of foam. Or are 64 times smaller than real-life and painted powder blue.

Like G.I. Joe said: "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle."

Pyramid Schemes and Combat Patches

Tuesday's blog post regarding the 2,600-member 1st Brigade Combat Team (B.C.T.), 34th Infantry "Red Bull" Division's (1-34th BCT) continued role in Iraq and Kuwait featured quotes from members of Charlie Company, 1st Combined Arms Battalion ("CAB"), 194th Armor Regiment (1-194th CAB), headquartered in Sauk Centre, Minn. The unit is anticipated to return to Minnesota in summer 2012.

Army Spc. Zachary K. Mangas originally collected those quotes as part of a story regarding the unit's patching ceremony, in which Charlie Company soldiers received an additional 34th Infantry Division "Red Bull" patch to represent their deployment. These "shoulder-sleeve insignia, former wartime service" (S.S.I.F.W.T.S.) emblems are usually described as "combat patches." The award is much deserved: As of October 1, the company has traveled more than 100,000 miles in Iraq and has escorted more than 4,000 trucks safely through that country.

Soldiers who wear a Red Bull patch on both the left (unit of assignment) and right (combat patch) sleeves are occasionally referred to as wearing the "steak sandwich" or the "doub-bull."

Just as notable as the patch ceremony, however, was where it took place: At the top of the Ziggurat of Ur, a 100-foot-high pyramid first built in the 21st century B.C.E. The site is located near Nasiriyah, Iraq. Some religious traditions hold that Abraham once lived in the region.

According to Mangas' story, the location was kept secret from the Red Bull soldiers until the last minute, if not the last mile:

“It was a normal mission for us,” said Spc. Luke A. Peterson, an armor crewman from Duluth, Minn. “We had been on the road escorting trucks for close to nine hours and were ready to take showers and get some sleep when word came down that our sergeant major worked it out with the Iraqi police to let us receive our patches on top of the ziggurat.”

“It’s pretty surreal to think of it this way—something I’ll remember for the rest of my life,” said Andrew L. Schmaltz, an infantryman from Big Lake, Minn. “Most guys my age are in college or working back home. Here I am at the birthplace of man, receiving my combat patch.”

Again according to Mangas, more than half of Charlie Company previously deployed to a combat zone. During Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2005, the Minnesota National Guard's 1-34th BCT deployed for a record-breaking 16 months.

“It’s great to see my guys who have never deployed before receive their combat patch after spending so much time training and running missions,” said Sgt. Aaron J. McGowan. “People recognize the 1st Brigade Combat Team of the 34th Infantry Division patch throughout the whole theatre of operations because of what we accomplished during Operation Iraqi Freedom and now Operation New Dawn. It’s something I’ll always carry on my right shoulder for the rest of my military career. I’m happy to see more soldiers patched into the tradition.”

The Roads Ahead for Iraq and the Red Bull

For those Midwesterners still paying attention to the war in Iraq this week--you know, since the last U.S. "combat units" allegedly left that country back in August 2010--President Barack Obama's Oct. 21 announcement that all remaining U.S. troops would be withdrawn from Iraq by year's end planted the hybrid seeds of hope and rumor.

"As a candidate for President, I pledged to bring the war in Iraq to a responsible end—for the sake of our national security and to strengthen American leadership around the world," Obama said. "After taking office, I announced a new strategy that would end our combat mission in Iraq and remove all of our troops by the end of 2011."

In other words, "mission accomplished." Again.

The 34th Infantry "Red Bull" Division, however, is still engaged in the fight, with approximately 2,600 soldiers of the Minnesota National Guard's 1st Brigade Combat Team (B.C.T.), 34th Infantry Division (1-34th BCT) deployed to Kuwait since May.

Given Obama's words, Minnesota's Red Bull families were quick to add two and two together to get 2,600 back by Christmas. But Uncle Sam doesn't work that way.

Early Saturday morning, Minnesota National Guard public affairs officer Lt. Col. Kevin Olson had to counter the rumors via Facebook: "There is no indication that today's announcement by the President will affect the Minnesota National Guard," he wrote. "More than 2,600 Soldiers with the 1st Brigade Combat Team, 34th Infantry Division, stationed in Kuwait, are expected to remain until May 2012 performing their important duties of providing security for bases in Kuwait and facilitating the draw down of US military forces and equipment from Iraq."

It's political snipe-hunting season in the land of the caucuses, and hacks and critics quickly claimed that Obama was deserting the Iraqi people, abandoning the strategic advantages presented by locating troops on Iraqi soil, and dishonoring the memories of more than 4,000 troops killed during the U.S. occupation.

Diplomats have been negotiating for years regarding the political and legal status of U.S. forces in a post-2011 Iraq. The sticky-tipping point proved to be whether U.S. troops would be subject to Iraqi law. What would happen if U.S. troops were required to defend themselves in court every time they defended themselves with bullets? On the other hand, why would a host government struggling to impose rule of law subject itself to indefinite occupation?

Yes, it smells. But it smells like democracy. It's a republic, if they can keep it.

Let the pols and pundits argue over campaign scraps. For Red Bull Nation, Obama's decision is neither a big win or an epic fail. It's just another day overseas, on the road and on mission. For example, as of earlier this month, Minnesota's Charlie Company, 1st Combined Arms Battalion, 194th Armor Regiment (1-194th C.A.B.) has traveled more than 100,000 miles in Iraq and has escorted over 4,000 trucks safely through the desert land of Iraq.

“It was one of those things that I wouldn’t change for the world,” said Army Spc. Luke A. Peterson, an armor crewman from Duluth, Minn. “Twenty years down the line when I’m talking to my kids and grand kids I can tell them where I was on the 10th anniversary of 9/11—in Iraq, helping to finish this war.”

“We will never forget the lives lost that September morning ten years ago,” Capt. John M. Hobot, Charlie Company commander. “We are going to finish the job we started here last deployment during the troop surge and leave proud with what we have accomplished in Iraq. Today is a day to reflect on what we really have in the United States, a society that accepts political differences and diversity among it’s people which is protected by the blanket of freedom and democracy. I wish the same for the people of Iraq during this transitional time as they move closer to a democratic free society.”

Approximately 50,000 troops remain in Iraq, along with their equipment and vehicles. They need to move out in less than 90 days.

Last Red Bull in country, be sure to turn off the lights.