28 January 2011

You Might Be a Red Bull If ...

With apologies and obvious credit to Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a Red Bull if ..."
  • You have ever declared "all collaborators should be shot" while working in an allegedly collaborative staff environment.
  • You have ever uttered the words "blowed up real good" in a military briefing.
  • You think a "good year" toward retirement requires least one deployment for natural disaster, national emergency, or presidential inauguration.
  • You have ever "gone mudding" while driving a camouflaged vehicle.
  • You think the success of any "Air Assault" is determined by whether or not you can walk away from the landing site.
  • You have a Facebook-SIPR account.
  • You have "high score" on any unauthorized video game installed on a tactical computer system.
  • You have ever consumed two or more of the following in one 60-minute period: chew, cigarettes, energy drinks, coffee.
  • You know what your "combat load" and "maintenance dosage" are for any of the previously mentioned products.
  • You have gotten a "combat patch" tattoo prior to being authorized to wear that particular insignia on your uniform.
  • You have ever used "inshallah mañana" as a course of action.
  • You have named your rifle after a prize-winning animal at the Iowa State Fair.
  • You have ever fantasized about choking someone with a reflective safety belt.

Got more ideas? Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments section of this post!


  1. ** If you ever took a M1114 Humvee sliding around on a frozen pond at Camp Ripley to help train CALIF National Guard folks who've never driven in snow or ice. (I did that)

    ** If you ever referred to the tradational clothing worn in Iraq by men as a Man Dress."

    ** If you ever detained a military age male in Iraq "because he looked like a bad guy".

    Don't forget, I was attached to the Red Bulls for SFOR 14.

  2. LOMAO at the reference to the painted bovine because for a Christmas ornament I found a cowboy on a bucking bull and I repainted the cowboy in uniform and the bull fire-engine red and sent it to my son this year for tree decoration!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.