02 December 2011

Contest No. 6: 'Magic Bag of Awesomeness'

We haven't had one of these "Red Bull caption contests" in a long while. It's about time we brought the funny.

Iowa National Guard photo release, Dec. 1, 2011:
Spc. Derick Morgan, 28, of Troutdale, Ore., models the “Ironman Pack Ammunition Pack System for Small Dismounted Team,” the high-capacity ammunition carriage system that enables a Mark 48 machine gunner to carry and fire up to 500 rounds of linked ammunition from a rucksack-like carrier.
Morgan and two other members of the Iowa National Guard’s 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 34th Infantry "Red Bull" Division, Staff Sgt. J. Winkowski, of Nevada, Iowa (a Belle Plaine native), and Spc. Aaron McNew, 22, of Cedar Falls, Iowa were recently recognized as part of the U.S. Army’s greatest inventions competition, after a panel of combat veterans voted them part of the most innovative advances in Army technology.
Captions, please:
  • "I'm up ... They see me ... They're scared."
  • "WARNING: Ammo in backpack may be larger than it appears."
  • "Does this ruck sack make my weapon look big?"
  • "This is my boom stick! And this is my boom bag! Shop smart. Shop S-mart."
  • "Embrace the Ruck."
  • "Don't make me open my Hefty Bag of Whoop-@$$!"
  • "Oh yeah? Ruck. You."
Make your suggestions and additions in the comments section of this post!


  1. My humble submissions:
    1. Aimed fire? Riiiight.
    2. It's not the first shot you should be worried about, it is the 499 coming immediately after it.
    3. Is it just me, or are the new video games getting less and less realistic?


  2. "Get to da choppa"

    "Aim center mass... ish"

    "Two to the body and 488 to the head"

    "Lock and ...never reload"

  3. So run, you cur... RUN! Tell all the other curs the law's comin'! You tell 'em I'M coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear?...Hells comin with me!!!

  4. One for future use when the lad's female offspring reach dating age:
    "You're bring my daughter home when?"



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