Will 'Tactical Fortune Cookies' Work in Garrison Life?

A couple of years ago, while preparing for deployment to Afghanistan with the Iowa National Guard's 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 34th Infantry "Red Bull" Division, I wrote a few blog posts about tactical fortune cookies.

During breaks in pre-deployment training, the story went, my buddies and I would often lunch on Chinese food. Afterwards, we'd read aloud the predictions found in our complimentary fortune cookies, adding the words "on the deployment" to each. Hilarity ensued.

As I wrote at the time: "Yes, it's awfully similar to the sophomoric practice of adding the words '... in bed.' We have no problem with that."

Good jokes and old habits die hard. To this day, I continue to collect those little slips of fortune-filled paper.

As the pendulum begins to swing back from the regular overseas deployments of an Army at war, to the cut-budget, cut-throat, spit-and-polish chickensh--tery of an Army stuck at home, I thought I'd revisit our pre-deployment practice of quoting cookies. This time, however, with the words "in garrison."

I am pleased to report that the cookies continue to deliver worthwhile results.

Some messages, for example, sound like the comments snarky raters might write on job performance evaluations. Perhaps these should be filed under "damning with ambiguous praise"?

• "You always find yourself at the center of attention ... in garrison."

• "You have an active mind and a keen imagination ... in garrison."

• "You are a bundle of energy, always on the go ... in garrison."

• "You have the ability to do several things at one time and do them all well ... in garrison."

• "You are sociable and entertaining ... in garrison."

Some sound more like philosophical (or maybe political?) advice:

• "He who walks with wolves, learns to howl ... in garrison."

• "What you plant now, you will harvest later ... in garrison."

• "A modest man never talks to himself ... in garrison."

• "Some folk want their luck buttered ... in garrison."

• "At 20 years of age, the will reigns; at 30, the wit; at 40, the judgments ... in garrison."

Finally, there are those that sound full of doom and foreboding. Take these as warnings:

• "You will attend a party where where strange customs prevail ... in garrison."

• "That one is not sleeping, does not mean they are awake ... in garrison."

• "People learn little from success, but much from failure ... in garrison."

• "No man is free who is not master of himself ... in garrison."

• "Heroism is endurance for one moment more ... in garrison."

Happy New Year! May you find contentment in your cantonment in the months to come!

As always, thanks for your readership of the Red Bull Rising blog! Best wishes for a happy, peaceful, and prosperous 2014!

Have Yourself a Sherpa Family Christmas!

OPORD 12-2013: "OPERATION REINDEER GAMES" ... ALL TIMES SIERRA

I. SITUATION: TASK FORCE SHERPA continues holiday sustainment operations vicinity FOB LIVINGROOM.

1. Enemy Forces: 

Refer to Appendix X, "Naughty List." 

2. Friendly Forces / Attachments: 

a. One (1) soldier, callsign "SCOOP," from TF GI-JOE Mobile Public Affairs Detachment, location OP ELFONSHELF.  

b. One (1) Pathfinder-qualified soldier from 1225th Special Operations Aviation Regiment ("The Night-stockers"), callsign "RUDOLPH," location AO ROOFTOP.

c. Five (1) soldiers from 334th Brigade Support Battalion, 2-34th BCT attached as Forward Logistics Elf Element (FLEE), callsign "WORKSHOP," location AO UNDERTREE.

d. Ten (10) 03s-a-leaping from HHC, 2-34th BCT attached as command-and-control cell.

PHOTO: 34th Combat Aviation Brigade, Minn. Army National Guard

3. Weather and Terrain: 

High of 29 degrees Fahrenheit; low of 18 degrees. No effects on current snow cover. Condition WHITE for sleigh-borne operations.

4. Illumination:

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow will give the lustre of mid-day to objects below. Moonrise is 250005DEC13; peak illumination is 53 percent. Civil twilight is 250710DEC13. Sunrise is 250742DEC13. 

As noted in After Action Reviews of past holiday ops, however, SUGARPLUM elements have been known to stir well before light conditions warrant, or even Christmas Reveille.

II. MISSION

"TF SHERPA secures LANDING ZONE CHIMNEY NLT 242330DEC13 and conducts resupply via reindeer-drawn miniature sleigh during hours of darkness prior to 250710DEC13. On order, commences opening of presents and distribution of holiday themes and messages."

III. EXECUTION

1. Commander's Intent:

TF SHERPA will conduct safe and secure receipt of Christmas gifts, minimizing boots-on-ground time and distractions for RED-RYDER-6. Endstate is a Happy Christmas to all personnel, and to all a good night.

2. Concept of Operation:

We will start by ceasing all garrison activities, troop movements, and roving patrols beginning 242100DEC13. No personnel should be stirring. Not even a mouse. Stockings will be hung by the objective with care. All SUGARPLUM elements will be nestled all snug in their bunks. 

RED-RYDER-6 will arrive LZ CHIMNEY during hours of darkness, and will successfully evade detection by SUGARPLUM elements and local civilian air-traffic control. 

Following the operation, TF SHERPA personnel will prepare to conduct Key Leader Engagements with both sides of the family. 

Throughout this operation, TF SHERPA personnel will also reinforce themes and messages of "Peace on Earth, goodwill to all" via appropriate official STRATCOM channels, including social media and telephone.

3. Maneuver:

Under no circumstances should unauthorized personnel stir to investigate clatter from exterior areas, including rooftops.

4. Fires:

On order, 1-194th Field Artillery will provide 1.55 cm artillery-delivered tinsel as chaff to defeat detection of TF RED-RYDER by regional air-traffic control radar.

5. Coordinating instructions:

Authorized sleeping uniform is kerchief, cap, or green fleecy hat; MultiCam pajamas; and red-and-white "candy stripe" reflective safety belt. Noise and light discipline will be maintained per SOP. Senior personnel are encouraged to employ red-light headlamps or night-vision devices.

6. Specific instructions:

Headquarters will redeploy public affairs team member SCOOP from OP ELFONSHELF to vicinity LZ CHIMNEY for documentation of gift-giving operations NLT 250700DEC13. Mission focus will be on "telling the Christmas story by telling our Army story."

IV. SERVICE & SUPPORT

1. 334th BSB will provide (1) Meal, Ready-to-Eat to RED-RYDER-6. Ranger cookies and shelf-stable milk are appropriate. On order, also provide one (1) 64 lb. bag of Reindeer Chow.

2. Religious services are 241900DEC13, and 251000DEC13.

V. COMMAND & SIGNAL

1. Location of Key Leaders: 

HOUSEHOLD-6 and HOUSEHOLD-7 will be in the command bunker after 242100DEC13. 

2. Succession of command: 

HOUSEHOLD-6, HOUSEHOLD-7, SUGARPLUM-1, SUGARPLUM-2, and the dog INDIANA. 

3. Callsigns: 

Holiday callsigns are NOT authorized. Under no circumstances should SUGARPLUM elements refer to HOUSEHOLD-6 as "NUTCRACKER-6." The previously published SOI was in error. HOUSEHOLD-7 is very, very sorry. 

4. Challenge / Password for 24DEC13 is: "SMOKE" / "WREATH." 

5. Challenge / Password for 25DEC13 is: "BOWLFUL" / "JELLY." 

6. Running password is "FIGGY PUDDING."

VI. SAFETY

1. Use ground guides when backing reindeer. 

2. Use drip pans and chocks when parking sleighs. 

3. Don't drink nog and drive. 

4. "Safety first, Christmas always."

Here's a Holiday Sampler of Military-Writing News

Prizes and grants, events and humorous book trailers. Here's a round-up of recent military-writing news ...

JOURNALIST BRIAN MOCKENHAUPT WINS $25,000 MICHAEL KELLY AWARD

Freelance journalist Brian Mockenhaupt was recently awarded the 2013 Michael Kelly Award for his independent reporting on U.S. Marines serving in Afghanistan. The award carries a $25,000 prize. Mockenhaupt's award-winning work, "The Living and the Dead," was published online via the Byliner non-fiction writing site.

The award is sponsored by the Atlantic Media Co., in memory of journalist and editor Michael Kelly, who worked there from 1997 until his 2003 death in Iraq.

A former U.S. Army infantry soldier who served two tours in Iraq, Mockenhaupt is a contributor to Outside, Reader's Digest, and Esquire magazines. He was the writer of the 2012 feature-length documentary "High Ground," which tells the story of veterans who overcome physical and mental injuries to attempt climbing a mountain in Nepal. He serves as non-fiction editor for the Journal of Military Experience.

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IOWA REVIEW AWARDED GRANT TO INCREASE OUTREACH TO VETERANS

The Iowa Review, a University of Iowa-based literary magazine, has been awarded a $15,000 National Endowment for the Arts grant to support the publication of writing by U.S. military veterans, editors announced recently.

The Iowa Review is published in print three times annually. In 2012, the publication introduced the Jeff Sharlet Memorial Award for Veterans. Award-winning and notable poetry, prose, and artwork by military veterans was featured in the Spring 2013 issue.

According to press materials regarding the grant announcement, the NEA funding will be used to publicize the Jeff Sharlet contest and to expand the number of prizes to be awarded. A website gallery is also planned.

The next contest deadline is May 15, 2014. Details are still pending.

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EARLY REGISTRATION TO SAN DIEGO MIL-WRITING EVENT ENDS DEC. 31

The 3-day "Pen and Sword" military writers' conference will take place Jan. 30 to Feb. 2, 2014 at the Town and Country Resort, San Diego, Calif. For earlier Red Bull Rising coverage of the event, click here. Until Dec. 31, early bird registration is $399. Regular conference fee is $499. One-day registrations are $350 each. A conference registration page is here. Attendance is limited to 200 participants.

The conference fee includes lunches and cocktail events, but does not include lodging at the Town and Country Resort, San Diego. Hotel conference rates are available at $129 nightly for single- or double-occupancy.

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'FOBBIT' AUTHOR DAVID ABRAMS PRESENTS 'NOT A CHRISTMAS' STORY

David Abrams, author of the 2012 Iraq War novel "Fobbit," recently reposted "This is Not a Christmas Story," a 6,000-word short story published in 2009-2010 by Narrative magazine. (For a Red Bull Rising review of Abrams' "Fobbit," click here.) The "Not-Christmas" story is accessible after registering for a free log-in. Abrams' short fiction also appears in the 2013's "Fire and Forget: Short Stories from the Long War."

The author also recently posted a humorous promotional book trailer that can be viewed via YouTube and below.